Show Your Pits

by Dry T-Shirt Contest

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about

The contest is simple. Keep your t-shirt as dry as possible as a loud band plays music and dances around the room, sweating it up and occasionally spilling drinks. Dry T-shirt Contest formed in the Spring of 2014 in Seattle consisting of past/present members of a Gun that Shoots Knives, Kurly Somthing, Imperial Legions of Rome and Genital Hospital. Matthew Brennan hollers up a storm as the host of the contest with Dry Bot 5000 plays some form of an organ sound while judging whose pits are the least damp. Jackson Portwood and Matt Addleman round out the quartet on Bass and Drums and also make sure the challenge is sufficiently tough as the moisture enforcer and hype man respectively.

The sound of this contest falls somewhere between Jon Spencer Blues Explosion and Booker T and the MGs. They play Noise Rock styled songs but with an organ instead of a guitar and a touch of soul era performance. The song titles are recycled just in case you feel like yelling out a cover request during their set. The lyrical content is all stories told from the perspective of a tertiary character in popular tv shows and movies. So not the main lady or her boyfriend but their friend’s friend who shows up every few episodes who they’ve given a more complete backstory

credits

released August 4, 2017

Matt Brennan - Vocalist
Scot Michael - Keys / Back Up Vocals
Jackson Portwood - Bass / Back Up Vocals
Matt Addleman - Drums / Count Off

Brandi Bratrude, Matt Brown, Chas Roberts and Emmett Montgomery - Skits and Back Up Vocals

Recording, mixing, mastering and producing by Scot Michael at Titan Recording Studio

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Dry T-shirt Contest Seattle, Washington

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Track Name: Beat It
Everytime I stand up
Someone’s in my way
you’ve got a real big head
Give’n me the high hat

Everyday I rise up
Standing in my way
Happens every concert I attend
Give me the high hat

Everytime I get up
You’re still in my way
It happened just last night at the Springsteen show
Give me the high hat

*build up*
I will
Cut you off / at the knees
Then we’ll finally see eye to eye
My friend
It’ll be quite a beautiful day once we’re looking at your insides.

Everytime I stand up
Anger also rises
It;s a reckoning day, for all you tall fucks
Give me the high hat

Now that I’m stood up
And holding my chairback
I’ll smack your drawn out ugly horse face
Give me the high hat

(Chorus 2)

Hey there tiny
Wait are you behind me?

Hey there tiny
Hey how’s that weather down there

Hey there tiny
Hey there tiny

Everytime I stand up
Your big head is in my way
And I can’t help but get excited at your humiliation

Everytime I stand up
Your high hat is in my way
And I can’t help but get excited at your humiliation

I pledge allegiance / To the flag
Of all righteous americans
in the normal height range
Of 5’4 to 5’10
Any taller than that
And your fate is sealed
Track Name: Under the Bridge
Ohm
Ohm
Ohm
Ohm

This is where I sleep
Looks like trash, smells like trash
Beast beast beast they cry
Beast beast yes i am that guy

Hey kid, why did you come here
Hey kid, you know i can sense fear

It’s time to get the lead out
You might want to get the fuck out
Beast beast beast they cry
Beast beast yes and i comply

Hey kid, your future’s become clear
Hey kid, have you ever tried beer

Well, you’re grown up
You’ve shown up
Lets bring this tone up
Till you’ve thrown up

Now
You are an adult and
You are your own man
Your parents are lame
And I think it’s time you took a stand

You are an adult and
You are your own man
Your chest need some hair
It’s time for you to pound that can
Track Name: I Put a Spell on You
I don’t care
I don’t care

My boss’s son is a REAL piece of shit
The way he grooms his facial hair make me want to
Slap his face

My boss’s son is a REAL piece of shit
The way he’s talking to his mom makes me want to
SLAP HIS FACE

But I don’t care
I don’t care
I don’t care
I don’t care
I hate everything
Everything that he’s got
And I gotta push it down
It just my lot

My boss’s son is a REAL piece of shit
The way he’s on the internet
Giggling with all his friends
Standing at the top of the stairs
I know I could push him down
Like a little nudge and he’s down
Just a slap in the ass, and he’s down
Just a kick in the butt, and he’s down
And I hope he lands
On his face

But I don’t care
I don’t care
I don’t care
I don’t care
I hate everything
Everything that he’s got
And I gotta push it down
It just my lot
Track Name: Roxanne
Charlatan
You may have hoodwinked my friends
But i see what’s going on, I see inside
I see what’s going on, I see your shame filled eyes

Uh huh. I see your game. I see your game
I see your game x4

Charlatan
I’m just a blue color man
I may not traveled the world, or gotten higher learning
But if my son is sawed in half back behind that curtain
You’re gonna pay. In blood
And also in pain
You’ll feel some pain
I see your game x6

Pullin those hankerchiefs out of your ass
That wand you love is now broken in half
Keep making my kids pick out a card
This path you’re on is paved pretty hard, hard, hard

Road you’re on

Oh, distract me?
Oh, distract me?
I’m not the one who;s about to be distracted
Nah, I’m not the one to be distracted
I’m not the one who’s about to be distrracted
I see right through it,
I see your game, oh
I see your game
You’re all the same
I see your game
It’s not what you claimed
I see your game
You’ll live in pain

I guess you were the one surprised at the end, Charlatan
Track Name: Smoke on the Water
Dear diary of barb, hold on a sec, that sounded bad out loud. October first, nineteen eighty six, today is the day Imma finally get it


I’ve got a secret
It’s not some terrible thing I’m trying to hide or an Oprah book or something like that

I’m out in the woods
Not in the figurative woods but actually cold woods and I’m -hanging -out -all -alone until you guys get here.

Don’t smoke
Don’t fuck
Don’t drink
At least I can fucking think

When you guys
Get here
You will see
Cause Ian he said to me

And didn’t forget it, I’m gonna
GET IT, Get it
I’m a fucking Get it

I’ve got a secret
earth crisis all day, seven seconds at night cause I figured this world out and now I’m on to solving bigger problems

I’m out in the woods
And this is the place I can use my adult words and DAMN if it doesn’t feel good, I’ll use them on you

Get it
GET IT, Get it
I’m a fucking Get it

WHAT IT IS take my advice
WHAT IT IS it’s my worldly virginity
WHAT IT IS it’s my natural superiority
Do you see these xes on my hand
Maybe you can finally understand what I’m talking about
Track Name: Forgot About Dre
It’s a Tragedy
What I mean when i say
That I was watching TV the other day and marshal mathers, he popped up, he spoke to me
He said
You’ve got anger you’ve got sass
Much like me a checkered past
A father might have a favorite son, and
I may only have one eye but i can see pretty clearly that
I’ve been on the wrong path for most of my life
I should have been an MC, the BEST MC If I can just get my dictionary out and figure out
What rhymes with murder

This is the diss to make me famous
My rhymes are sick
Plutoxin sick
That’s super super sick

This is the diss to make me famous
You’re just gonna break
Like an internal break

This is the diss to make me famous
Your stomach will turn
From just getting burned
This whole world will burn

Now.. My Name Is Snake and I’m Here To Say
That I like to Rap in a Murderous Way
Ay yay yae

My Name is Snake and I’m here to State
That Michael Meyers is a terrible name

Don’t you forget about this snake
Don’t you sleep on this snake
Don’t you forget about this snake
Did you guys here that i rhymed snake with snake
X2

Mic drop
Track Name: OK Computer
Nerds Nerds Nerds

These Khakis make me feel furios
(but) It’s an equal trade not to look like all you nerds
NERDS NERDS NERDS


Oooooo Eugene…. Eugene
I’m coming at you from a position of power
and yes my lats are worked out every hour
I don’t wanna give you a wedgie
I wish life had worked out differently
but suck it up, buttercup, cause that’s what’s up, buttercup

White Cotton Rips
As your dignity dips

White cotton rips
as the humiliation takes its grips
white cotton rips
cause i switched to the twisted grip

Hey, stan the man, Stan, Stanley,
You’re looking yolked, just like me
I know you’re looking for conformity
and I’d rather be a wolf, than a fucked sheep
I don’t wanna give Eugene a wedgie
but I guess it’s better him than yours truly
so suck it up, buttercup, cause it’s what’s up, buttercup

Lamar’s just standing there on his phone
I think he’s watching attack of the clones
My fist comes in like a drone …..drone …...drone
Now the Ogre stands alone …...alone …….alone
Track Name: Stairway to Heaven
Stay with me
Say with me
Stay with me
I’ve gota few things to get off my chest over here

My hand’s up
My pizza just arrived
My palms are greasy, my hands are greasy, well my shirt feels greasy, and my soul feels greasy, can a soul feel greasy, well my hair is greasy, this box is greasy, the roni’s greasy, the shrooms are greasy, like extra greasy, This box is so greasy i think it might even fall apart

Our eyes lock and you see me as the hedge fund man-a-ger that could put your grand kids into private schools. That potential is real, I’m gonna hang ten through this life into a big ass house with a big ass pool after I sell this weed To all of my friends friends!

Friends
Hey, we could be best friends
Friends for the rest of our lives
Friends
we could be friends
Friends despite all of our strife

Hoooooo
Hoooomieeeess

I stand up and hand the de liv ery guy a crisp 20 dollar bill to cover the cost of coming to the school. To cover the costs of making this work. We’ve built a bond thats goddamn strong and that’s worth every penny in these dirty jeans

Friends! They’re best thing in life, you know you want some good in your life?
Friends, we could be good ass friends, if even have your back in a back alley knife fight


Friends
Hey, we could be best friends
Friends for the rest of our lives
Friends
we could be friends
Friends despite all of our strife

5 cent, 5 cent, 5 cent for a double it's a good deal, its a pizza steal, i got it for you
5 cent, 5 cent, 5 cent for a double it's a good deal, its a pizza steal, cause I adore you
5 cent, 5 cent, 5 cent for a double it's a good deal, it was a pizza steal, it wasn’t for me, I hate this shit and I want to get something nice for Yoooaoooaoa